The question you must ask yourself is, “What values do I want my children to live by?” I believe that true success in life is determined by the values you live by not the way you make a living.
In order to answer this question, I would suggest that you borrow a very practical business strategy by writing a personal mission statement for your role as a parent. I would suggest, in fact, that you write a mission statement for your life. It is amazing how many people have written countless statements of goals and objectives concerning their work, but have never even considered the importance of thinking through and writing a mission statement for their personal lives.
A personal mission statement should be written document in which you have set down your vision for what you want your life to represent. It tells what you hope to achieve. A written mission statement for your role as a parent would include the things that you believe are important in your relationship with your children.
You might begin writing such a document by asking yourself, “How do I want my child to remember me? Are there particular values and beliefs which I believe are important to affirm in my child’s life?” If you want your child to think of you in a certain way as opposed to another way, then you have to begin behaving in the way you want him or her to think of you. It is really very interesting, and very sad, how many parents want their children to respond to them in a certain way but have never considered that they must change their own behaviors in order to accomplish this. In other words, since the only person I can really ever change is myself, I must always begin by examining my behavior and motives. This is the first step in changing my relationship with another human being. If I want my child to remember me as being encouraging, I must learn to speak words of encouragement and act in ways that demonstrate encouragement.
If I want my child to be a Christian, I should not only take him to church I should live for Christ in my home, community, and work as an example to my family. That is the way that values and beliefs are most effectively communicated to others.
I must first decide, however, what is really important to me. This is why a written mission statement is such a wonderful tool for this process: It forces us to be specific and consciously decide what is really important.
What does this have to do with disciplining a child consistently? Everything! My purpose in writing this section is to help you understand that the important issue in disciplining your child is not whether you spank or not. The important issue is, are you consistent in teaching your child to behave in a responsible way? The really important issue is, are you consistently modeling a responsible life before your child? (Continued tomorrow)
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