I suppose there is also a negative side to traditions too. What if you grew up in a family where on Christmas Eve the adults in your family traditionally became drunk and this often resulted in a major family argument on that night? Do you think this might change your feelings toward this particular time of year? You bet it would!
There are many adults who become very tense during this holiday season simply because whenever Christmas rolls around they begin to relive inwardly, and often outwardly, negative family traditions. Did your parents spend more money than they could afford at Christmas which always caused an undercurrent of stress in the household? If they did, chances are that you feel some of that same distress as that holiday draws near.
There are other negative traditions, which may have nothing to do with holidays. Perhaps one or both of your parents have always communicated to you in critical or negative terms. Perhaps they were often harsh and loud when they disagreed with or corrected you. Did conversations with your mom or dad tend to end in traumatic emotional arguments? What was the traditional method in your family for handling disagreements and other problems? As an adult, does your stomach turn in knots as you drive the miles for a visit with your parents? Are your emotions on edge with your own kids as you make final preparations for a family reunion? Most of us have suffered from acts or words that seemed more like a traditional curse in our families. As adults, we often try to resolve these issues by acknowledging that our families were or are “just that way.” This approach is fatalistic at best. It is more often an excuse to justify our own continuation of these sins. It does not acknowledge that we can do something about breaking the negative habits or traditions that are destroying the emotional health of our families.
An important question that parents should ask of themselves, and ask often, is “How do we want our child(ren) to remember us and growing up in our family?” The question may have crossed your mind, but have you ever seriously given it the thought and careful consideration it deserves? Have you ever sat down and took inventory of the special things which are happening in your family which you believe to be important to your children’s well being? Are there positive traditions in your family, which impress upon your children the sense of belonging and the stability of values that we all so desperately need? If not, then I challenge you to do something about it.
Make for yourself a quiet time during your busy schedule when you can avoid being interrupted for a couple of hours. On a sheet of paper begin to write down the special things you would like to do with your children before they grow up and leave home. What special memories of your family life do you want them to have?
Too often today we think that anything special has to involve a lot of money. Yet, the memories that will be important are the ones that will involve your child’s growing in his or her relationship with you. The emphasis in planning your special times together should be on the word “together.” You must remember to implement your plans quickly or the time will slip through your fingers and the only memories you or your children will have are “I wish we had’s.” (Continued tomorrow)
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